An Interview With Chad Silverstein
Read books that are out of your comfort zone.
Approach Social Media in a new way.
Keep a friend in every generation.
I’m Feeling Lucky button
Take a walk and do your own, private standup.
Growth is an essential part of life, both personally and professionally. Every day presents an opportunity to learn, evolve, and become better versions of ourselves. But how do we seize these opportunities? How do successful writers, leaders, and influencers ensure they are constantly growing and improving? What daily habits, practices, or mindsets contribute to their continual growth? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, leaders, influencers, and anyone who is an authority about “What We Can Do To Grow Every Day”. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Michael Jai Grant.
Michael is an author who also describes himself as an “accidental serial entrepreneur.” He created and ran no less than a dozen businesses ranging from an organic coffee shop to an international film festival to flipping houses. When he’s not writing, he’s a real estate photographer, a commercial loan officer, and a graphic designer. His new book, The Limited Edition Bicentennial Cadillac Convertible Joy Ride, is available wherever books are sold or through his website: www.MichaelJaiGrant.com
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
Certainly! My parents ran away from the east coast in the early 1970’s and settled in Denver, where I was born. It was a great place to grow up, but when it was time for college, I ran back. I love NYC with its energy, culture and opportunities, but as a Colorado Boy I still require peace, space, trees… So here I am, in backcountry Connecticut, the perfect blend.
I was also raised in a conservative Jewish suburban family. We remain close, but I knew pretty early on that it wasn’t my spiritual path or cultural expression. I also sensed I was gay, but my upbringing was pretty sheltered and it took time to first understand myself, and then find the courage to be myself.
I excelled through my childhood and teen-years in acting, writing and photography, all various forms of storytelling, but at the college level I was discouraged from these “frivolous” and “non-career oriented” endeavors. I entered a prestigious Architecture program where I actually did quite well, but about two years later, after a health scare, family drama and a breakup (my last female partner), my inner-self finally found its way to the surface. I identify as a non-religious, spiritual gay man with degrees in Film and Photography who continues to tell stories through words and pictures.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
It’s been a journey, but I’m a novelist, a graphic designer, a real estate photographer and a commercial loan officer. Sometimes it’s too much, but these work in tandem as each provides me with a degree of freedom and flexibility — plus, when one aspect is down another seems to rise. Understanding how I got here is like looking at a thousand-mile river from one small bridge, but there is a continuity: I tried a lot of things and gained knowledge along the way. Some of the failures were more important than the successes because they taught me to look beyond the flash of a seemingly great idea. I needed to learn patience, diligence, and perseverance. My entrepreneurial tributaries continue to propel me, but sometimes I still have to paddle furiously upstream. More often, I’m finding I’m able to move through my life with flow — but I’m sure there are still rapids and waterfalls ahead!
Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion about Personal Growth. To make sure that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with a simple definition. What does “Personal Growth” mean to you?
I had an argument with my husband a few weeks ago about a spatula. I didn’t want to accept his point of view, as if a compromise would somehow take points from me and give them to him, as if a decision on where to put our newly-purchased seventh-and-completely-unnecessary spatula were a competition. But later on I wanted to scrape the bottom of the mayonnaise jar, and lo! He was right! We needed that-specific-sized spatula, and I knew where to find it! I cleared the jar and I thanked him for it.
Personal Growth is about recognizing where you are compared to where you were, both in small ways and large. It’s about finding the positives, and appreciating the difference. It’s about valuing your ability to remain malleable, and often it’s about setting aside your ego in that process. We so often tend to see what we want to see because that’s what keeps us comfortable. It may be easier, but it also makes us complacent. It’s like looking at life through the end of a paper-towel tube. Personal growth requires you set that tube down, waylay your ego, and take an open and honest look… at everything!
Why do you believe that it’s important to commit to growing every day?
There is a peculiar aspect to our brains: as our personal mental computers age, they process information slower which alters our perception of time. Correlating this to film, if you shoot 100 frames of film in a second but play it back at 24 frames per second, time slows down. That’s childhood, where a second-grader feels like he’ll never be as old as the big kids in the sixth grade, and forget about turning into a teenager or an old teacher or (gasp!) your parents! Similarly, if you shoot 12 frames a second and play it at 24, time speeds up. Our twenties were fast, but our thirties flew. How is it possible that I just celebrated my 52nd birthday? How can my college friends have kids in college when I graduated a few moments ago?! The weird thing is it all feels like it’s playing back at the same speed, until we look backwards as adults, or forward as children.
Coupled with this phenomenon, in our culture the emphasis on growing is extended to the young. Grow from a baby into a toddler, learn to walk, to speak, to read and write and calculate. Once we hit our twenties, however, the culture tells us it’s time to pivot: you’ve learned it, now go use it. Your training is over. There are no more assignments or grades, just money for a job well done. It’s ridiculous! As you get older, you need to learn more, grow more, evolve more, read more, communicate better, and make the choices that influence the structure of society based on your vast experience and wisdom. If you stop the experiences, you stop the faucet of this wisdom and the world runs dry. If you allow your curiosity to wane, then you’re just consuming without contributing, without sharing the wonderfulness of everything that you are, and squandering the incredible potential of your own life. Who you may become, evolving should never stop — no matter your age. Georgia O’Keeffe painted every day until she went blind. Then she started sculpting. My grandmother turned 90 and said, “Michael, I’m 90. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life, but I’m pretty sure we can rule out Ballerina — but that’s not going to stop me from dancing!”
What are the key upsides for those who mindfully engage in a journey of personal evolution?
You’re calmer. You make rational, thoughtful decisions. You are kind. You take time to appreciate. You step into places that maybe you thought weren’t “for you” and find you have something to think or say about it. You cook more and try random recipes. You call on old friends without the excuse of a birthday or a death, just to chat. You look at a calendar of events and choose to go to places. You seek adventure and experience and open yourself up to the uncommon, like Lithuania for the food or hand-picking your own peaches at an orchard. You go to museums and galleries and spend time with the art, figuring out why you “don’t like” something. You hone your taste. You go to random coffee-shops without a laptop or a phone and listen to the din, enjoying the twenty minutes of unfocused thinking. You buy a shirt in a color you don’t normally wear. You think about your living space and switch up where the plates and glasses go so your mind can work through a new pattern. You never mind making the bed or doing the dishes because that’s Quality Me Time where you literally can’t do anything else but think, and at the same time, you get to tune out. You also learn the incredible power of saying No with consideration, and without guilt.
When we stop evolving in intentional ways, what do you think are the biggest downsides?
Grief is a very strong trigger that can stop everything we’re doing, including intentional evolving. Oddly, at the same time, grief can be an incredibly powerful tool towards moving forward with growth and self-empowerment. When we stop, we close ourselves down and often get stuck in old, or even destructive habits. Not exercising. Eating poorly. Watching mindless screens (TV, phones, tablets, computers) without using them as tools for discovery and creation.
Everything we do either creates or destroys. We add or we subtract to the fullness of our own lives, and stopping that action leads to erosion of both mind and body, provoking sickness (short-term) or illness (long-term), or even death. Just as there is a difference between hearing (passive) and listening (active), there is a clear distinction between being alive and fully living. There are people who stopped evolving and you can see it in their eyes. The light is gone.
What specific practices, if any, do you have in place to ensure that you don’t become stagnant in life?
I’m fond of the expression: A still body decays, a still mind prospers. I exercise daily with alternating routines of yoga and isometrics and long walks. I rarely use elevators if the destination is lower than seven floors, I park in the far spots of the parking lot, and if two destinations on an errand day are less than half a mile apart, I walk it. I constantly search for ways to move my body, never complaining about stairs or returning to the kitchen to fetch something. These are all opportunities to remain physically active.
For the mind, I meditate and chant. If there isn’t time to meditate, I incorporate mindfulness into my walks, or even while climbing all those stairs. My commute is 21 minutes and there’s a mantra in three parts, each only seven minutes long. Instead of bothering myself with the radio, I chant!
Beyond those active and passive moments, my husband and I seek culture. We regularly go to plays in NYC. We host a dinner party about once a month, and have friends who do the same. We go to galleries and museums, seek exhibitions, attend concerts (I prefer small venues, like 54 Below or Joe’s Pub). We absorb, and we also manifest: we do photography projects together, we’ve made a few short films, we both write. We also garden — I’m hardscaping, mowing, weeding and leaves/snow. He plants everything! Vegetables, roses, peonies, poppies, fruit trees, herbs, exotic flowers… I also try new things in the kitchen. Some fail, some succeed.
And we travel. As an independent contractor, if the money isn’t there, we’ll do short trips locally and stay with friends. Then we’ll save and abscond on the cheapest flights at the weirdest times so we can get to places like India or Italy. It takes a lot of effort to find the deals, but it’s part of that thinking and doing that keeps life moving!
Is there any particular area of your life where you are most committed to growth (e.g., spiritually, professionally, socially, internally, relationally)?
We hit a roadblock in our financial plan when a pipe burst destroyed our house and our insurance denied the claim, leading to a 5½-year legal battle. The bills didn’t abate during that time, and we fell behind, so we had to ramp up our game professionally. My husband is also a real estate agent, and he would refer clients to mortgage brokers. We decided to keep it all in-house, so I went back to school (at 49 years old!) and earned my license to become a residential loan officer. I had to learn a vast array of new skills, and develop new relationships and referral partners. I segued into commercial lending, and now I’m brokering deals for houses and apartment complexes, hotels, and even entire neighborhoods across the country! It’s fun, it’s oddly creative, and my mind and skill sets are being used in a new manner. This evolution was only possible because I strive to remain open to opportunities, which automatically lends itself to growth. I’m committed, in all realms, to always remaining open.
Here is the primary question of our discussion. If you could offer five tips to readers on how to stimulate and perpetuate self-growth, what would they be? If you can, please share a story or an example for each.
1 . Read books that are out of your comfort zone. If you like horror or spy novels or romance, alternate them with books that you have no obvious connection to. An easy way to do this is to read alternative novels by the authors we were assigned in school, meaning if you were assigned Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter in 9th grade, now it’s time to read The House of Seven Gables. Pick up books by authors you’ve heard of, but never actually read. If you’re afraid to try something new, read a book that became a movie, like The World According to Garp or Carrie or The Color Purple. You’ll have a basis, but then you can experience what the author intended and see how your own imagination lines up against the filmmakers. Go to the library and request a good and unlikely book. Sign up for BookShop.org and other newsletters. Join a MeetUp Book Club, or join the vast number of online groups on social media where people discuss new authors. Read. Read more. Read Different. You’ll be surprised at how you start thinking and relating to others in new and wonderful ways when you expand your range.
2 . Approach Social Media in a new way. Like it or not, Social Media is how the majority of us are connected now. Gone are the days of writing letters or even, in many cases, long phone calls with family and friends. Everything is a post or a text — it’s just the way it is. If you can’t cut down on your social media habits, then I suggest engaging in a new way: comment and be clever. So many people see something they like, click “like” and move on to the next, flipping, clicking, flipping, clicking, but not engaging. Stop for half a second and think about what you’re reacting to. Why do you like it? How does it make you feel? Tell them! You don’t have to be the one who is posting to be present and active in the online world. It’s supposed to be a community. Participate! Share your brilliance with the content creators! Providing your opinions helps you hone them, and helps them to know their audience and reach! Or, if you prefer to remain quiet and to give your life over to an algorithm that assigns your interests for you, try breaking out of that by doing a search for something you know nothing about. The algorithms are designed to present you something you’ll enjoy every 6th or 7th time. Click on the thing that comes up the 3rd or 4th time. Whatever your method, interact with social media. There’s no reason why it should define who you are and what you look at. It’s just a tool. Never forget that YOU define who you are.
3 . Keep a friend in every generation. This one may get more difficult as we age, but that’s also when it becomes more important. My friend Susan does this and she continues to lead a beautiful and interesting life. She’s in her 70’s now and she has friends who are in their 70’s and 80’s, as one might expect. But she also made a point of joining groups in her town that keep her immersed with the 50–60’s crowd, the 30–40’s, and yes, she has teenaged and 20-something friends, too. She cultivates new friendships by joining MeetUps, attending social functions, joining boards of various non-profits, creating a community garden, or even just going to the park and striking up a conversation with a young couple, clearly new to town, feeding the ducks! Susan remains young in her mind and spirit by keeping in touch with everyone across the generation gaps. She uses the knowledge she obtains of what it’s like to be twenty to try new things herself, typically with technology, but also with culture. She doesn’t think to herself, “they don’t know how things are, or should be.” Instead she flips it and thinks, “They are what’s NOW, so I’d better pay attention!”
4 . I’m Feeling Lucky button. So many of us spend significant time online doing our work, reading the news, checking our bank statements, scrolling through social media, etc. We utilize the vast resources available to us to further whatever it is we’re doing, but how many times have you stopped to take advantage of this unbelievable and miraculous tool we’ve come to take for granted? The computer is not only there to make our lives work, but it can provide a window to the unknown. The simplest way to take a journey outside of yourself is to head to Google.com and press I’m Feeling Lucky. I just did it and got an article on Cubism. I pressed it again and it took me to the archived library of Google Doodles (those little banners on top of the home page). One more press and I listened to the sounds an anteater makes. Is any of this important? Part of growing is simply experiencing, without assigning judgment. The Cubism article interested me, so I read more about it. I didn’t know you could find the Google Doodles banner from your specific birthday in their archives — my birthday in 2011 celebrates a Wildebeest migration and it’s beautiful! As for the anteater, what a great icebreaker at a party to see if anyone can replicate the sound (especially after a cocktail), or it could be a fun way to engage with little kids! You never know. Go Feel Lucky.
5 . Take a walk and do your own, private standup. Some people sing in the shower or their car. It doesn’t matter if you’re “good” by anyone else’s standard there — it’s just for you because you enjoy it. I suggest doing the same with your own private standup. Humor is a powerful tool. It can align associations that don’t have an obvious connection, and flip the stick on perceived knowledge. It opens you. It reveals. It redefines conventions. Humor is important to growth and practicing it — not just listening to it — is vital. Take a walk and just start talking to yourself about funny things. What do you think is funny? Unlock your mind. Get outrageous. Surprise yourself with how clever you can be, even for an audience of one, and your mind will begin to search for new ways to entertain you. This isn’t about performance, it’s about talking to yourself and reminding yourself that you are, and have always been, not only the person who shares your body with your soul, but your own best friend. And friends make each other laugh! Try it! If nothing else — even if this is really, really stupid advice — I bet you’ll crack a smile. Worth it.
What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck and unsure of how to start their personal growth journey?
People are afraid to meditate. They often think meditation is something “out-there” or “froofy” or “anti-religion” and not for them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Mindfulness is simply about being present. Being in your own mind, thinking your thoughts, and letting those thoughts be. At an ashram in India I once saw a large fish tank with a sign on it that read, “If you don’t know how to meditate, watch the fish. Same thing.” There are so many guides and online suggestions and tips, so here’s one more that’s super-simple and dogmatically meaningless. I find it helps tremendously when I need to disconnect, or reconnect, or when I feel stuck.
Mmm, Ooo, Aaah. That’s it.
- Sitting or standing or walking or even driving, take a breath in and let it out with a long “mmmmmmmmm.” Feel the vibration of the “mmm” in your lower abdomen. Stretch that “mmm” out as long as you can, and repeat this until you don’t want to say “mmm” anymore.
- Then breathe in and exhale with a long “oooooooooooo.” This is “ooo” like “chew” not “oh” like “go”. Your mouth will make a little puckered O shape when you exhale your “ooo.” You should feel the vibration of the “ooo” in your chest and lower throat. Stretch it out, as long as possible. Repeat until you’re done with the “ooo”.
- Breathe in and exhale with “aaaaaaaaaaaaaah.” This is “aah” like “paw”, not “aaa” like “pay”. Again, stretch it out as long as you can. “Aaah”. The vibration is now swirling around your head. “Aaah”. Let it go. Let it all go. Push it out, the thoughts, the emotions, the tensions, put it all into your “aaah”.
There you go. Mmm, Ooo, Aaah. Real sounds emanating from your own body for a minute or two or ten. Up to you. No rules. No expectations. Just vibrations reaching from your lower-body up through the chest and out the head. Feel better? You just emptied yourself and made room for the new. The soil is ready. Time to grow.
Are there any books, podcasts, or other resources that have significantly contributed to your personal growth?
I can’t harp enough that reading is a vital conduit to personal growth, and recommendations from librarians are paramount. They’ve suggested books I didn’t know existed that completely changed the way I see the world, like Richard Powers’ The Overstory and Mark Helprin’s Winter’s Tale. Another tactic is to post on FB: “What’s everyone reading?” That led me to Murakami, David Foster Wallace and renewed my interest in Toni Morrison. I got enough responses for ten years, and I didn’t recognize 90% of the titles!
Also, and this is not intended to be a plug, I grew immensely while writing my own novel. The research involved was certainly an aspect, but it was more about the empathy it required, of actually putting myself into my characters’ mindsets and becoming them to help them make their choices from the rational viewpoints of their experiences and perspectives. It was immensely challenging because I’m not an elderly woman or 16-year-old girl, nor am I a father or religious or a resident of Florida. But it worked, and grew through the long and enjoyable process of writing that book!
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
What an amazing question! For years I’ve asked my young nieces and nephews, “What are you reading?” and they always moan about something assigned in school (if anything). Then I say, “No, I mean for pleasure?” and they look at me like I have three eyeballs. “We read all the time,” they say. “Online.” Young people don’t read books for pleasure anymore because their attention spans are severely handicapped by their phones. They also feel they can get the whole story from a movie in two hours, so why take twenty to read it? Why use your own imagination to conjure the image of Gollum when it’s already been done with CGI? This is also affecting the way they write. I’m shocked by the poor quality of the essays I read, and this is only going to get worse as AI assumes that skillset.
Here’s the idea: If they’re hooked on social media, let’s create a new sharing app that draws them in with the beginning of a good story — and then they have to continue it, one by one. They’ll be invested in it because they and their friends will be creating it, together, as they go along. They’ll have to read to stay caught up, and they’ll have to write to continue it. They’ll use their imaginations to impress each other, or shock each other, or play on each other.
One person starts the story and hands it off, socially, and the next participant continues. Just a paragraph or two (or ten if they really like to write), with a minimum word requirement for their section, and a deadline. Don’t break the chain! Participants earn points for reading continuously, more points for contributing, more points for grammar and punctuation, and even more points if people love what they contributed (the Like aspect). Those points can be turned in through sponsors for free stuff, or, even better, a sponsor who commits to funding neighborhood give-a-book or take-a-book sharing kiosks for whichever stories get the most points in an area in a region! You can also choose if the stories are going to stay in your social group, or if you want to open it up. Kids in California could be writing stories with kids in South Africa and Argentina, all sharing from their experiences. With AI and translation capabilities, even language isn’t a barrier anymore. And then there are the contests, where the best stories get published with even more prizes. An app like this will fuse all the elements of our culture together, and everyone wins, but mostly the kids who are READING AND WRITING.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
michaeljaigrant.medium.com
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About the Interviewer: Chad Silverstein, a seasoned entrepreneur with over two decades of experience as the Founder and CEO of multiple companies. He launched Choice Recovery, Inc., a healthcare collection agency, while going to The Ohio State University, His team earned national recognition, twice being ranked as the #1 business to work for in Central Ohio. In 2018, Chad launched [re]start, a career development platform connecting thousands of individuals in collections with meaningful employment opportunities, He sold Choice Recovery on his 25th anniversary and in 2023, sold the majority interest in [re]start so he can focus his transition to Built to Lead as an Executive Leadership Coach. Learn more at www.chadsilverstein.com
Growing Every Day: Author Michael Jai Grant On What We Can Do To Grow Every Day was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.