Successful Rule Breakers: Author Ellen R.B. Smith Of Memoirs of a Suburban Troublemaker On How To Succeed By Doing Things Differently
An Interview With Chad Silverstein
Sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side: Be Fungible, there’s no rule that says you have to stay in the job you were hired to do forever. In larger companies, it’s actually a good thing to switch every 3–4 years to help boost your skillset in different areas. To succeed, you should be able to seamlessly transition from one team to another without any unexpected challenges. I did this when I transitioned from the government side of the company, to the commercial side, where I was ultimately promoted. I worked on mechanisms that help out a whole team instead of hand holding individual struggling coworkers, one by one. Plus loosing the complexity of hiring people with security clearances was such a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I wish I had transitioned earlier!
In the world of business and within every industry, there are forward-thinking leaders who go against the status quo and find success. Their courage to take risks, embrace innovation, and inspire collaboration separates them from the competition. Until 2002, Apple’s famous slogan was “Think Different”. This attitude likely helped them become one of the most successful organizations in history. This interview series aims to showcase visionary leaders and their “status quo-breaking” approach to doing business. As part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Ellen R.B. Smith.
Ellen R.B. Smith wrote a book about growing up in Reston, VA, a community established by Robert E. Simon, its namesake and founder, who created the town during a period of civil unrest in a historically conservative state. Ellen holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology and music from the University of Tennessee. With 36 years of professional experience, her career has navigated through industries often marked by the pervasive misogyny of the times. This challenging journey is vividly captured in her compelling memoir, Memoirs of a Suburban Troublemaker.
At Amazon, Ellen’s proactive initiatives led to groundbreaking promotions amid the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic. Her dedication to fostering diversity and innovation, showcased through her work, embodies a leadership style aimed at positive change.
Ellen is a highly sought-after strategist, speaker, coach, and trainer whose memoir resonates with readers by infusing humor and introspection, encouraging them to confront life’s uncertainties with laughter and numerous (many, many, many) adaptive course corrections.
Ellen spends her free time with her husband and two daughters; her very demanding Coton de Tulears, Niles and Frasier; her sister Julie and brother-in-law Larry, who live across the street; and her mother and stepfather, who still reside in Reston, Virginia, less than a half-hour away.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Our readers would love to get to know you a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I grew up in the 1980s in Reston, Virginia. I learned about Bob Simon in kindergarten, as most native Restonians do, and was inspired by his progressive ideals in creating an open and integrated community before the Civil Rights Act, VA vs. Loving, and any fair housing laws. He is the inspiration for my memoir. Initially, I tried to weave both his story and Reston’s into my own. However, my pre-readers kept skipping the Reston sections to get to my narrative. Eventually, I gained the confidence to allow my story to stand on its own. However, the themes of advocacy throughout my book can be linked back to Bob Simon’s life’s work.
At the age of eight, my parents divorced, which profoundly impacted my life. Following the separation, I experienced a socio-economic downgrade, as is common in many broken homes. I became a latchkey child who often struggled to keep track of my keys. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, deemed myself a failure, and was desperate to reunite my nuclear family. I often found myself in trouble, acting out in response to my desire for attention and the anger stemming from my parents’ divorce. My mom gave me a diary during my most tumultuous hormonal upheaval, and thankfully, I kept a running tally of all the injustices I experienced. However, as much as I kept score, I didn’t write this memoir for revenge. I wrote it to support children who are struggling in school, coping with a broken home, or trying to fit in, as well as the parents who witness their struggles. My aim is to offer hope — there is light at the end of the tunnel. You can still grow up and achieve your goals: gain admission to college, find love, build a successful career, and become a positive role model. I learned so much from the ebbs and flows of life, and I want to share those lessons with the world.
Can you give us a glimpse into your journey into this industry and share a story about one of the most significant challenges you faced when you first started out?
When I graduated from the University of Tennessee in 1998, I had little knowledge of the job market or effective strategies for career advancement, such as attending job fairs or securing internships. Consequently, I resorted to faxing my resume in response to job openings advertised in The Washington Post — reflective of a bygone 1900’s era! Initially, I focused my career in Human Resources, but eventually I needed to explore opportunities in business development, contracts, and account management, particularly during the early stages of the 2009 recession when HR positions were often among the first to be eliminated. This realization came at a time when I was living paycheck to paycheck.
How did you end up resolving that challenge?
By a lot of reinventing myself and my skill set. In pursuit of job security, I transitioned to the defense contracting industry that ultimately led me to secure a position with Amazon Web Services (AWS). I followed the money. Living in a suburb of Washington, DC helped. The government always has work to do.
Who has been the most significant influence in your business journey, and what is the most significant lesson or insight you have learned from them?
My understanding of business ethics was fundamentally shaped by my parents. As a child, I observed their relentless pursuit of success within the corporate environment, a journey I detail in a chapter titled “The Bloody Corporate Ladder” in my book. They consistently left for work early, returned late, and maintained their dedication even when feeling unwell or injured, particularly on days when important meetings or presentations were scheduled. As a child, I often thought, “Yuck! I don’t want to be anything like my parents; I want a glamorous life filled with wealth, fame, and stardom.” For at least two decades, I was convinced I would become a rock star or an actress. I even pursued my dreams all the way to New York City in 1999, only to return home with my tail between my legs. NYC wasn’t quite what I had envisioned. Now that I’m in my late 40s, I’m beginning to realize that I am exactly like my parents. I can’t fall asleep at night unless my to-do list for the day is fully completed, with every box checked. I can hardly recall what it was like to work a standard 40-hour week in my comfortable defense contracting roles. Amazon changed me profoundly; I channeled all the energy from my 16-hour days there into my book.
Can you share a story about something specific that happened early on that you would consider a failure but ended up being a blessing in disguise or ended up being one of the most valuable lessons you had to learn on your own?
In New York, I learned a critical lesson about the importance of separating my personal and professional lives, which I discuss in the chapter “Three Ogres and 32 Beers Later.” In essence, it is wise to limit social outings with management or colleagues. The boundaries between personal connection and team bonding can easily blur, potentially leaving you vulnerable to critical scrutiny. I ended up in a disciplinary meeting and even though the premise was unjust, it was just the kick in the butt I needed to prove to myself and everyone else that I could thrive. I came into work early and found myself staying so late, I was the only one there! I reveled in my role as the top producer; however, a lone recruiter without supportive colleagues isn’t truly successful. The NYC office was highly toxic and misogynistic, prompting me to seek out a healthier work environment. I moved back to the DC area, with the same company, but this time with some professional polish, more tools in my toolbox and the knowledge that my home town has so much more to offer a college graduate with work experience. Since then and throughout my career, I cultivated many valuable relationships, particularly with women who were committed to supporting one another rather than undermining each other’s success. I learned that there is enough room for everyone at the table and we must focus on lifting each other up rather than hoarding opportunities for ourselves.
Leading anything is hard, especially when grappling with a difficult situation where it seems that no matter what you decide, it will have a negative impact on those around you. Can you share a story about a situation you faced that required making a “hard call” or a tough decision between two paths?
When I managed a team of junior to mid-level recruiters, my employer, a small defense contractor, was in the process of being acquired by a larger company. Despite being assured that my position was secure, I recognized that the acquiring company had a redundant team, making it likely that my staff would struggle to find new roles quickly. I reached out to my network and connected with an old colleague who consistently demonstrated innovation and resourcefulness in her business ventures. Ultimately, I faced a difficult decision: to stay in my super relaxed and comfortable position or to leave and safeguard my team to follow the lead of someone I respected and admired. I left, and it was one of the best decisions I had made in my entire career.
Let’s shift our focus to the core of this interview about ‘Successful Rule Breakers’. Why did you decide to “break the rules”?
I have always been a disruptor, in all aspects of my life. At work, my goal has always been to enhance employee morale and make everyone’s jobs easier, faster, and more impactful. One of my favorite examples is when I stepped outside my comfort zone at AWS, to stand behind others to drive change, so I volunteered for a board position at Glamazon, an amalgamation of “Gay and Lesbian Amazon.” I was the historian and archivist and helped organize events, took meeting minutes, and wrote newsletters.
In my book, I explore the instances when I broke the rules for selfish reasons as a kid, such as shoplifting out of insecurity about my wardrobe or giving away products from my employer (People’s Drugs, now CVS) in an attempt to brighten someone else’s day. While I don’t condone stealing, I aim to share the lessons I learned, emphasizing the importance of higher education and that math is an unavoidable part of life. I also discuss a chapter titled “Cross Phobia,” where I confront a tyrannical street preacher hurling insults at women on campus. This experience served as a pivotal moment for me, revealing that I did not want to face the consequences of jail.
Early on, did you identify a particular problem or issue in how businesses in your industry generally operated?
On the government side of AWS, I identified effective strategies that increased both my productivity and that of my colleagues by approximately 30%. I developed instructional videos to streamline interview preparation and designed an automated system for clearance crossover processes, which remains in use today. I spent four years on this side of the business, supporting air gapped regions, during which I noticed a significant reduction in complexity when I transitioned to the commercial side, specifically to EC2 at AWS. I thrived in both roles but earned a promotion to Principal Strategist at EC2. However, the looming threat of a recession ultimately led me to accept a lucrative payout and take a sabbatical to explore other interests. This journey began with my aspiration to write a book, and a plan to return this year. The process took much longer than I had initially anticipated, and at this moment, it’s essential for me to grant both myself and my book the time and space they deserve. I’ve poured a great deal of effort and creativity into crafting something truly remarkable. Now, my focus must shift toward sharing it with readers who can appreciate and connect with its message. It’s vital to trust the journey and allow my work to reach the audience it was meant for. This step is crucial for the growth of both my book and my own personal development as a writer.
What specifically compelled you to address this and want to do things differently?
For my memoir, I’m a first time author and learning as I go. But I’m overwhelmed by the support I’ve received from my network of friends and family.
For my professional examples, like the interview prep video, I grew tired of sounding robotic, repeating the same information multiple times a day — at least eight times, and sometimes even 16. I recognized that others were likely experiencing similar frustrations. To address this, I created a video resource that candidates could view at their own convenience. This approach allowed the 30 minutes we spent together to focus on discussing any questions related to the video’s content, addressing specific inquiries from the candidates that were important to them, and enabling me to ask follow-up questions to better advocate for them within the organization and assess their suitability for the appropriate role and level.
For the clearance crossover tracker, I collaborated with engineers from Application Security, Personnel Security Officers, the business leaders I supported, and my management to develop a solution for tracking security clearance crossover statuses. This project progressed more swiftly, as it provided benefits to every individual and department involved.
Please share how you went about implementing those changes and the impact they had.
Obtaining approval for the video was particularly challenging, especially within the cleared space. I had to navigate through multiple departments for approval, including HR, Security, Finance, and my management chain. The actual process of creating the video took nearly as long as the approval stage itself. Altogether, this endeavor spanned two years. Each setback and triumph along the way provided valuable lessons. I understood that driving the project was solely my responsibility; if I did not take the initiative, no one else would ensure its successful completion. Completing the security clearance tracker taught me that I could achieve my goals as long as I remained persistent. This experience also benefited the development of the video and the role guidelines (will discuss later), as well as numerous other initiatives that I either took on myself or co-created and edited.
In the ever-changing business landscape, how exactly do you decide when to adhere to industry norms versus “breaking the rules” and forging your own way?
Adhering to industry norms when faced with challenges often results in working harder and longer. I aimed to work smarter. Breaking the rule for me means creating mechanisms that would help others do the same. When obstacles emerged and I identified a more effective solution, I took ownership by documenting the issue, gathering supporting data for my proposal, and steering the project towards a course correction. I forged my own way by “running my own desk” which means, I secured buy-in by articulating my arguments in writing, delivering a compelling verbal presentation, and proactively scheduling meetings with key stakeholders and approvers.
Can you share an example?
For the three examples I listed above, the role Guidelines, clearance tracker, and interview prep video, I prepared a one-pager outlining the problem and proposed solution. For the video specifically, I leveraged a written press release contributed by a colleague as a catalyst to organize meetings. I utilized all these meetings as a platform to advocate for the adoption of these projects, inviting anyone I thought could assist in securing approval. For each initiative, I faced rejection from every department at least once, often being asked for more data, less proprietary information, or a more detailed and streamlined approach. This frequently sent me back to the drawing board, which was frustrating. However, I understood that if I didn’t persist, these projects would likely dissolve into the Amazon black hole of abandoned initiatives. This realization made the success of each project even more rewarding. Moreover, the countless revisions these documents underwent instilled in me the confidence to create something meaningful and impactful — ultimately inspiring me to write my own memoir!
What guidance or insight can you offer to new entrepreneurs trying to follow existing and accepted industry norms while at the same time trying to differentiate themselves in the marketplace?
No one will advocate for your product or service on your behalf; you must orchestrate momentum yourself. Right now, I’m not leaving any stone unturned, which is how I ended up doing this interview. I dedicate at least two hours each day to marketing efforts. For my book, I am investing eight hours a day in this promotion. There are several books by Rachel Rodgers about this topic. My favorite is Six Figure Side Hustle.
Here is the main question of our interview. To make an impact, you have to champion change, get creative, and take risks. Please think back about the decisions you’ve made that have helped your business get to where it is today, and share your top 5 strategies or decisions that helped you succeed by doing things differently. If you can, please share a story or example for each.
Rule Breaking- 5 Things: To Succeed in Writing a Captivating Book
- Own your dark days: my advice it to discuss all the hard and uncomfortable topics. Avoiding life’s challenges doesn’t help anyone. Since reading *The Handmaid’s Tale* at 12, I’ve advocated for women’s rights, fearing the impact of extremist control. I believe men and women should openly discuss abortion, infertility, postpartum depression, sexual assault, and women’s health to prevent a bleak future. If you feel shame about something, you’re likely not alone, and sharing can empower both you and others. I’ve found that speaking out, helps reclaim your power.
- Make every word count: I wrote and revised daily for nearly two years, initially producing a 175,000-word journal about everything that had every happened to me in my entire life, before streamlining it with the help of my editor, Malka Wickramatilake. Thank goodness for you Malka! It helped to approach the assignment as if I were crafting a personal time capsule filled with art, literature, films, music, and the imperfect narrative of my life. I hope my great-great-great-grandchildren will hear my voice through time, connecting them to their roots and heritage. It took hundreds of revisions to clarify my message and truly express what I wanted to convey. If you keep a word count in the back of your mind, and make sure to keep your messaging concise and entertaining, you will successfully accomplish this technique.
- Kill all the darlings: No matter how much you love a turn of phrase or ancillary character, stick to your outline. Figure out what you are trying to say early. Also, write an outline before writing a book! I made this grave mistake and suffered dearly because of it, but once I established an overarching theme — initially troublemaking as a form of resistance, evolving into troublemaking for others — I was able to weave in layers upon layers of relatable connections and references.
- Reach out and Research-I interviewed over 50 people before writing my memoir. I reached out to my immediate family at least a dozen times each week to ask about specific dates, their perceptions of events, their feelings about them, and more. I was aiming for a broader perspective rather than just my own. The process was both cathartic and therapeutic. Although I am still a work in progress, I now have a better understanding of what truly happened, and I believe this has allowed me to write a more relatable and improved book. Also, reconnecting with old friends has been my absolute favorite part of this process!
- Keep the laundry in the basket: Some stories are best left untold. Be provocative and incorporate details that engage all five senses, but avoid dragging your family members through the mud for the sake of entertainment. Specifically, ensure that you’re not sharing the worst moments of those you care about; no one wants their most challenging times laid bare. Instead, seek creative ways to address the core of the conflict and resolution without casting anyone as the villain.
Rule Breaking- 5 Things: To Successfully Break the Rules and Champion Change In Business
1 . Raise the roof and shatter that glass ceiling! **Role Guidelines Example:** I was selected for the most senior level, a Sr. Client Lead position (internally referred to as “Closers”). At that time, there was no established path for advancement. Every job at Amazon came with specific document that allowed interviewers and management to assess a candidate or employee’s fit for a role and level.. Mine capped out at Senior Lead, but I aimed for next level up, which was a Principal. To bridge that gap, I took the initiative to create my own guidelines and wrote them myself, ultimately paving the way for others to follow. It took me six years to achieve my promotion. During every meeting with my manager, I consistently asked, “What do I need to do to reach the next level?” I made sure to excel in those areas and added those achievements to my list of accomplishments. To summarize, if there isn’t an option for career progression in your field, make one up.
2 . Manifest your own desk: This is an example of how I communed my goals into fruition to create my own destiny. **College Recruiting Example**when I was working for a larger defense contractor, our business didn’t have a college recruiting initiative. I asked other teams what worked and what didn’t, and then created one based on the best practices of an expert and discovered the most effective ways to hire clearable diversity candidates. Nepotism was rampant in the conservative contracting world, leading to the hiring of someone’s white nephew or cousin with little to no skills. I came up with a plan using my research and a documented a set of goals (realistic and stretch), and sent it along with an invite out to my leadership and set the plan to action. This was the beginning of my journey as the first College Recruiter the company had. And I had a ball! I was in my late 20’s and going to trips to college campuses every week with an expense account! AND — We were able to meet and exceed all our goals and hire qualified candidates from HBCUs, and NSBE and SHPE conferences.
3. Document and recruit: If you have a good idea, express it openly. Publicly stating your intention will instill a sense of accountability within you. **Security Clearance Crossover (XO) Tracker Example** I noticed a lot of confusion with my business leaders and my candidates. I was getting calls everyday and so were my security officers. So I wrote up my problem statement, plan of action, gathered stakeholders like AppSec, security personnel, HR and my management, and proposed my design for a system to automate and notify key players of the XO status. In summary, by recruiting key players and involving them in the strategy early on, they were more inclined to support me by dedicating their time.
4 . Sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side: Be Fungible, there’s no rule that says you have to stay in the job you were hired to do forever. In larger companies, it’s actually a good thing to switch every 3–4 years to help boost your skillset in different areas. To succeed, you should be able to seamlessly transition from one team to another without any unexpected challenges. I did this when I transitioned from the government side of the company, to the commercial side, where I was ultimately promoted. I worked on mechanisms that help out a whole team instead of hand holding individual struggling coworkers, one by one. Plus loosing the complexity of hiring people with security clearances was such a huge burden lifted off my shoulders. I wish I had transitioned earlier!
5 . Fame! Baby remember my name: There is no shame in a little self promotion. Make your leadership chain notice you. The trick is to ask to learn more about your leaders and their business. Ask to sit in their meetings. Schedule 1:1’s with your managers and skip levels to get to know them and vice versa. If possible, ask to move your office close to or inside the same location, it’s significant time saver. Having an advocate in a position of influence can significantly impact your career progression. At Amazon I made sure to attend and present at every meeting and opportunity available. I made it a point to meet with my business leaders in person so we could celebrate each victory together. This small effort of helping them associate my face with their team’s progress proved invaluable in the long run, as it enabled me to secure their support and endorsements for my promotion.
As a leader, how do you rally others to align with your vision?
People are more willing to help when they’ve got skin in the game. Engage leaders, colleagues and subordinates early and often. Get them involved in the process. Additionally, it’s better to break the rules together — there’s safety in numbers.
Also, how do you identify those who may not be fully committed or even silently sabotaging or undermining your efforts?
Stay informed, keep your ear to the ground, and encourage your allies to do the same. I can’t tell you how many times I was able to get in front of a potential issue by picking up the phone to feel someone out. If the issue involves your boss, schedule a meeting to address it directly. If that doesn’t resolve the situation, consider switching teams or arranging a meeting with HR present.
What steps do you take to address these situations?
Lead with data, and encourage those you suspect may be undermining your efforts or are skeptical to review the facts. Ask them to present an alternative solution or align with your proposed approach. One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in professional relationship building is that if an email chain becomes heated and extends beyond three exchanges, it’s best to pick up the phone and squash it directly.
Imagine we’re sitting down together two years from now, looking back at your company’s last 24 months. What specific accomplishments would have to happen for you to be happy with your progress?
I need to sell ten million copies of my book and have it adapted into a motion picture or television series.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂.
We are all interconnected, and the challenges we face today arise largely from fear. I encourage everyone to strive to avoid ethnocentrism. One of the biggest mistakes I made in my life was moving to a neighborhood where everyone looked the same. Seek out individuals who are different from you to gain valuable perspective. Constantly listening to your own echo chamber will only deepen the divide.
How can our readers continue to follow you or your company online? Follow me on social media
Thank you so much for sharing all of these insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About the Interviewer: Chad Silverstein, a seasoned entrepreneur with over two decades of experience as the Founder and CEO of multiple companies. He launched Choice Recovery, Inc., a healthcare collection agency, while going to The Ohio State University, His team earned national recognition, twice being ranked as the #1 business to work for in Central Ohio. In 2018, Chad launched [re]start, a career development platform connecting thousands of individuals in collections with meaningful employment opportunities, He sold Choice Recovery on his 25th anniversary and in 2023, sold the majority interest in [re]start so he can focus his transition to Built to Lead as an Executive Leadership Coach. Learn more at www.chadsilverstein.com
Successful Rule Breakers: Author Ellen RB Smith Of Memoirs of a Suburban Troublemaker On How To Su was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.